Your Custom Text Here
Raymond M. Wong will be at the Rancho Santa Fe Library to relate a journey that helped him realize his dream to write and publish his award-winning memoir, I'm Not Chinese: The Journey from Resentment to Reverence. Be part of the experience at the Rancho Santa Fe Library and chart a path to your dream.
San Diego author, Raymond M. Wong, will share his experience being an outsider in the U.S. and how writing helped him to reconnect with his culture. Proceeds from book sales at this event will help the Chinese Culture Club at Mesa College. Light refreshments served. Prize drawing.
10-5-16
I did a presentation in Professor Scott Starbuck's creative nonfiction class at Mesa College, and a student named Phil helped me to see my son's video game playing in a different light. When Phil told me that video games helped him get through school, I realized I needed to take a second look at my bias against video games.
8-27-16
At the Alhambra Library, a woman named Guadalupe asked if I worked toward social justice issues.
My response: I attended Antioch University Los Angeles for my MFA in Creative Writing, and Antioch is all about social justice. For me, my sword is my pen and my words are what I use to bring about change.
5-13-16
At the "Artists and Authors" event in Coronado's Emerald C Gallery, a local artist named Sarah Vogel created a beautiful painting based on my memoir. She lived in China for 11 years and her painting depicted a rural Chinese house with the characters "Lu Xing," which means "Journey."
Picture of bamboo forest by Kumiko
4-26-16
At Grossmont College's Literary Arts Festival, an audience member asked me what my idea of the American dream was when I first came to the U.S. and what it is now.
My response: When I first came to the U.S. I was five so I didn't really know what was happening. At that time I just wanted to fit in. I didn't want to be different. Now, my dream is to help people, to make a difference.
Picture by Deutsche Fotothek
4-19-16
At Professor Ella deCastro Baron's creative nonfiction class at Grossmont College, a student named Bill told me he is writing about the loss of his son. He is writing his truth, and I will look forward to reading his work in print.
Picture by sunny mama
4-15-16
At the 15 Writers on the 15th Event at Emerald C Gallery, we shared our favorite word. After some thought, I said, "Serenity" because it has such a calming sound to the ear, and it makes me feel at peace.
Picture by Karthik Prabhu
4-2-16
After my presentation at CIELO Gallery/Studio in Los Angeles, a man named Roberto encouraged me to keep sharing my story because there are people from many cultures who will relate to what I went through.
Picture by JohnLangdon
3-29-16
At the the Osher Institute event at Chef Chin, a woman asked if my experience pushing away my culture has affected how I parent.
My response: I do encourage my children to hold onto their culture. I can't force it, but I tell them about the mistake I made and my children are doing a pretty good job of keeping their cultures. My daughter has been studying Mandarin since second grade, and she's pretty fluent. My son recently started taking Vietnamese classes, so I'm very proud of them.
Picture by LDorfman
3-10-16
At the Chinese American Librarians Association Conference, a gentleman asked why I used the term "Reverence" in my memoir.
My response: I went into mainland China with my mom, and we visited her parents' grave site. I prayed there and felt their energy. I also came to understand how much my mother sacrificed to bring me to America, so I guess I began to see my ancestors and my mom with a sense of reverence. I began to see my Chinese culture and the language and people with reverence. That trip changed my life.
Picture by Jan-Pieter Nap
3-8-16
At my presentation at City College, a student named Holly asked if I regretted pushing away my culture.
My answer: I do regret that and if I had it to do over again, I would've kept my language and culture, but you can't turn back the clock. I am proud of the fact that my daughter is studying Mandarin Chinese and my son is learning Vietnamese.
Picture by Pingelig
3-8-16
At my presentation at Emerald C Gallery in Coronado, I connected with a woman who had lost her husband of fifty years. She shared her experience, and I felt honored to be there with her.
3-7-16
I did a Skype presentation with an English reading class at Kellogg Community College in Battle Creek, Michigan, and a student asked me if I had felt ashamed of my background.
My response: In some ways, I did feel ashamed of being Chinese, but I'm a different person today. When someone asks me what I am today, I tell them I'm Chinese. I hope that I'm the kind of man my wife can feel proud to call her husband, and I hope I'm the kind of person my children can feel proud to call their father.
Picture of Downtown, Battle Creek by battlecreekcvb
2-27-16
At the Poway Library, a woman named Judy asked if my children felt like outsiders at their schools. Both Kevin and Kristie said they felt okay at their schools, and this makes me grateful that my kids' experience is different from mine.
Picture by tedeytan
10-6-15
At a presentation in an English 49 class at San Diego City College, a student asked me if I knew any Chinese.
My answer: I know just a few words such as "Msik teng, msik gong," which means I don't speak or understand Chinese!
Picture by Shi Zhao
10-3-15
I did a presentation with poet, Tanya Ko, at the second annual Coronado Writers Workshop. A participant asked me about the market for Chicken Soup for the Soul books.
My response: It's a good market for memoir. They pay $200 for a story and they accept about 100 stories out of 1200 submissions.
Picture by "Diego Delso, Wikimedia Commons, LicenseCC-BY-SA 4.0"
9-9-15
I did a presentation in an ESOL 40 class at SD City College, and a student asked whether I regretted losing my Chinese language.
My answer: If I could have it to do over again, I would keep speaking Chinese. My mother wanted me to keep the Chinese, but I was stubborn. I didn't think I would ever need it in the U.S.
Picture by Hzl1234
9-8-15
It was a great honor for me to present at the Fallbrook Rotary Club. The organization is doing some great things in the community, and I want to thank Tom Meriwether and Karen Utley for their gracious invitation for me to share my story with their club members.
8-1-15
At the Alpine Library, I recommended two books: All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum and a children's book based on a Leo Tolstoy short story, The Three Questions, by John J. Muth. My daughter, Kristie, recommended the young adult series, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, by Rick Riordan.
7-21-15
At the Fallbrook Library, a man named Tom asked how my mother entered Hong Kong from mainland China.
I checked in with my mom during the week, and she gave me the scoop. She asked a friend in Hong Kong to write fake letters to her and she presented them to the Chinese guards as evidence her mother was in Hong Kong. She eventually found a guard who believed her, and he allowed her to visit Hong Kong.
6-24-15
At the Del Mar Library, a couple shared about their adoptive granddaughters from China, and I felt honored to hear their story and I related my experience going back to Hong Kong and how it transformed my life.
6-20-15
At the Westwood Library, a man made a comment after hearing how long it took me to publish my memoir: Eighteen years! I was just in elementary school at that time!
My response: That certainly makes me feel old!
6-10-15
At the La Mesa Library's "Coffee & Books," I recommended these three books: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and my own memoir. In her family, Jeannette Walls suffered through the kind of neglect and poverty most people can't even imagine. What's remarkable is how she overcame her childhood to embrace acceptance and forgiveness. McCarthy won the Pulitzer for his post-apocalyptic novel set in a world of dark despair, yet the bond between a father and son shines a ray of hope and humanity into a barren and lifeless existence.
Picture attributed to (CC) Larry D. Moore.
5-30-15
At my La Jolla Library presentation, a man named Jim made an astute comment about my cultural resentment after hearing an excerpt from my memoir. He told me he didn't think I had completely disowned my Asian heritage in 1996 because I had started dating a Vietnamese woman, and he was right. There was a part of me that was at least a little open because I ended up marrying that woman, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Picture by Charlesjsharp.
5-21-15
For Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, I spoke at the Navy Broadway Complex Downtown, and I encountered some people who affected me in our conversations. A lady related her experience going back to Hong Kong and seeing her ill father. A gentleman told me he had a hard time dealing with the brutality in this world. A legally blind woman conveyed her experience going after her dream of being in the theater. The genuineness of the sharing, the connection with these people, and their words and stories moved me deeply.
5-9-15
We raised money for the San Diego Chinese Historical Museum through book sales. A woman named Susan asked whether my father's absence in my life was related to my resentment about being Chinese.
My answer: That's a really insightful question, one I've never been asked before. When I think about it, yes, I would say my father being absent in my life did lead to resentment on my part and maybe that was one of the reasons I didn't want to be Chinese.
Picture by Daderot
5-2-15
At my Coronado Library presentation, a woman asked if I felt like an outsider in Hong Kong and China.
My response: I felt different because I looked like the Chinese people but I couldn't speak the language, whereas in America, I spoke English but I didn't look like everyone else.
Picture by JerryofWong
5-1-15
We raised money for the Filipino American Student Association at Miramar College from book sales. A student named Muna asked if I had anyone to practice Cantonese with when I was growing up.
My answer: From the time I was five, I stopped speaking Chinese. I refused to speak Chinese to my mom, and I didn't have Chinese friends. My stepfather was American so we spoke English in the family. I didn't want to speak Chinese.
Muna: Did you have any regrets about that?
Me: Absolutely, if I could turn back the clock, I would do it differently.
Picture by Roland zh
4-24-15
At my San Carlos Library presentation, a woman named Carleen asked how I met my wife, Quyen.
My response: Quyen works as a hairstylist and I was getting my haircuts in a salon in La Mesa. The owner of the shop hired Quyen out of beauty of school, and I just loved Quyen's smile from the first time I saw her.
Carleen: Was she cutting your hair?
Me: No I was getting my haircuts from the owner of the salon at the time, but I started to go in for haircuts much more frequently after Quyen started working there!
Picture by VenturaHairBrush
4-15-15
I was at San Diego Mesa College for a presentation called "What Is Your Cultural Identity?" We raised money for the Chinese Culture Club on campus through book sales. A man named Kelly asked about any epiphanies I experienced in my memoir.
My answer: The biggest epiphany was at the grave site of my grandparents in China. My mom took me there and it was the first time I had seen her parents' graves. Being there, praying to my grandparents, I realized for the first time how much I had lost. In praying to them I asked forgiveness for so many things I had done wrong in my life.
Picture by David Wilmot.
3-4-15
I did a presentation in Professor Jennifer Boots's English as a Second Language 40 class, and one of the students asked about the reference to being British in my prologue.
My response: In 1996, Hong Kong was ruled by England so I was technically correct when I said I was British. In 1997, China took ownership of Hong Kong. For me, saying I was British was my way of avoiding my own culture and language.
2-19-15
I spoke to the writers' group at the La Mesa Library and one of the members asked whether she should seek traditional or self-publishing.
My response: I think you have to research both thoroughly to see which way is right for you. There is no right answer. The best answer is what works for you. With traditional publishing, you have to research agents, publishers, and the query letter process. With self-publishing, you have to be really good about marketing your work. Talk to people who have done both and find out as much as you can about both before you make your decision.
Picture by Kristie Wong
2-14-15
At the Southern California Writers' Conference, an attendee asked if I encountered any problems from my family for writing my memoir.
My answer: I didn't get any flak from my family. My mom knows I write. My stepfather knew I was a writer, and he didn't have a problem with that.
2-7-15
At the Fletcher Hills Library, a woman named Fuji asked if I wanted to see my father on the trip to Hong Kong.
My response: I think because I had no contact with him, I told myself I would be fine if I didn't see him, but a part of me was hoping to see my father.
2-3-15
I did a class presentation in Professor Karen Lim's English 48 class at San Diego City College, and one of the students asked about my relationship with my mother.
My answer: My mother and I are a lot closer since my trip to Hong Kong. She and I still have our differences but the trip helped me to understand her more. We have disagreements, but deep down, I know she's my mom and that she is the person who gave me life.
1-30-15
At the San Diego Central Library's 49th Annual Local Author Exhibit, we met a wonderful author named Mija Kim, who took this picture of Quyen and me in front of my book display. The San Diego authors who published their books in 2014 will have their books displayed at the Central Library during the month of February.
Picture courtesy Mija Kim.
1-29-15
At the Santee Library, an audience member asked if I am still an outsider.
My response: I am in some ways, but where I'm not an outsider is with my family. I feel blessed to be married to my wife, Quyen, and she has given me the two most precious gifts in the world, and they are both sitting right here in the room.
1-24-15
At the SDSU Writers' Conference, an attendee at my presentation asked what kind of rejections I received when I was submitting my memoir manuscript.
My answer: I received some form rejections. When I was working with an agent, I always received comments, but I believe a lot of editors are careful about suggesting changes because they realize other editors could see things differently. Some of the comments I received were along the lines of "It isn't the right fit for us," or "The writing is good, but I don't feel passionate enough about this to take it on."
The picture is by TheJamesHughes.
12-9-14
At the 4S Ranch Library presentation, June Zhou asked if I had questioned my mom about my father.
My answer: My mother didn't speak about my father. It was as if he was a forbidden subject, and I didn't ask.
11-20-14
During the "Make It In America" conference at the California Center for the Arts in Escondido, host Len Novarro asked the panelists of "A Hero and Heroine's Odyssey" what it means to be an "American."
My response: For me, being an American means being grateful for opportunities. My mom never graduated from high school in China, yet she was able to come to America and learn how to invest in real estate. My thirteen-year-old son, Kevin, is into video games and wants to be a game designer. My ten-year-old daughter, Kristie, loves animals and nature and wants to open a nonprofit to help animals. I studied social work, counseling, and creative writing. In America, I have the opportunity to write, and I'm grateful for that.
11-15-14
At the La Mesa Library, a woman at my presentation asked about my culture:
Audience member: From the time you were a teenager until you were an adult, did you try to learn about the culture of China?
Me: No. I did the opposite. I ran as far away as I could from anything Chinese. I didn't speak the language. I didn't have Asian friends, and I didn't date Asian women.
11-1-14
At the San Diego Chinese Women's Association presentation, a woman in the audience asked about my father:
Audience member: What is your relationship with your father like?
Me: Unfortunately, my father passed away in 2010, but the thing I regret the most is that he had asked me to take my children to Hong Kong to see him, and I invited him to come to the U.S. to visit us. I didn't hear back from him, so I didn't think he cared. He died before I had a chance to go to Hong Kong with my children.
10-30-14
At my author presentation in the Encinitas Library, a man in the audience named Jim asked this question:
Jim: How do you respond today when people ask you about your ethnicity?
Me: I tell them I'm Chinese.
10-23-14
I did an author presentation at the Alpine Library, and a lady in the audience named Sandra asked this question:
Sandra: Did your mother come to the U.S. with the intention of eventually going back to live in China?
Me: No, I don't think this was the case with my mom. When the Communists came to power in China, my mom saw her father shot before her eyes and her mother spent the last years of her life in jail because of the Communists, so my mom wanted to leave China. She wanted to go somewhere else and I don't think she ever intended to go back to live in China.
10-20-14
I did a second presentation at San Diego City College's Book Fair today, and here is one of the questions I received:
Audience member: What did you say to yourself to keep yourself going when you experienced all those rejections?
Me: The hardest part was when I had my first book contract and the publisher closed her business. That's when I wanted to quit. But I said to myself, do you believe in this book, do you believe it's going to touch people, do you believe in the writing? And my answer was yes, so I had to keep submitting my manuscript.
10-18-14
I presented at San Diego City College's 9th Annual International Book Fair last Wednesday, and I'm told we had about eighty people in the audience. The students kept me on my toes; here is one of their questions:
Student: If you didn't want to be married or to have children, why did you study to become a marriage and family counselor?
Me: Oh man, that's a hard question! I guess I would say that counselors, therapists, and social workers go into the helping professions to fix something, some kind of wound in themselves. We're good people who want to help others, but there's usually something in us we're trying to heal.
10-11-14
I spoke at the Rancho San Diego Library, and one particular audience question really struck me:
Audience member: Given your experience, what would you want to say to your kids about the importance of their culture?
Me: I would tell them that their history, their past, their culture is a big part of who they are, and I would hope that they wouldn't make the same mistake I made. I hope that they would want to learn about their culture, to embrace it as an important part of their lives.
10-4-14
I want to thank Allyson O'Brien, the librarian at the Casa de Oro Branch Library for kicking off my schedule of presentations. My thirteen-year-old son, Kevin, filmed the video segment from that presentation to use on my website.
Picture of Luke McAlister by PierreSelim.
